Abandoning Friends When A New Love Comes Along
"I would like to know more about abandoning your friends in favor of a flavor of the month type relationship/addiction. For those who cannot do 12 step programs or stuff like that. I know you say certain problems solve themselves but I figured I'd ask anyway. How does one find deeper meaning in "the chart".
I want to answer this with this disclaimer: I don't know if the person asking this question is the one whose attention wanders or it they might the person who's set aside when a sparkly bauble shows up.
"I would like to know more about abandoning your friends in favor of a flavor of the month type relationship/addiction."
There's not a lot of details here but there are plenty of people with short attention spans out there. There are also different levels of friendship and I don't know that any of this can be judged or even called, right or wrong, because it's the individual's life to live.
I also don't know the age of the people involved, which may matter. I don't know if the writer is the person with the "addiction" or if they're tagging someone else. But just taking this at face value, if I were friends with a person who prioritizes partnering, I would expect to be dumped when they had a prospect on deck. Of course, they are going to focus on developing the romantic relationship.
I'm like this! It's no problem so long as my friends are similar. Their husband comes home and they have to go. Totally understandable. Or let's say they're in the early stages of a whirlwind love affair. I would never interfere with that type velocity. My friend would be happy and I would not want to put a drag on them. It's part of the deal.
This works in my case, but if you're the kind of person who puts friends before lovers, this type person will bother you over time. They abandon you. To understand, ask yourself, what is the person's true priority?
For those who cannot do 12 step programs or stuff like that.
This confuses the issue for me, because prioritizing partnering (or your children or your job or whatever) is a personal choice, not an addiction. So is the person really addicted to soar, then crash and burn relationships? If so, it's like any addiction. Sooner or later, they'll get dumped hard on their head, or suffer some humiliation, aka as hitting a wall or hitting bottom. At that point, they may address it... or not, just like any addiction.
I know you say certain problems solve themselves but I figured I'd ask anyway.
I'm not sure but it seems like you are the one with the problem. If so, if it causes you enough pain, you may turn to look at it but it still doesn't seem that abandoning your friends is the key problem. It would be in the partners you pick or your unreal expectations or misguided leaps of faith... something of that nature.
Whoever this person is, it might help to list what the true priorities are, and understand that priorities can change over time. You may just need an update!
How does one find deeper meaning in "the chart".
A lot of people aren't that deep and I don't mean that as an insult. There are legions of people who just aren't into it and I can't say that I blame them. A person like this is happy to float around, up until they have some gnarly transit... which they will endure, until they can go back to normal.
I'll take a guess... this is you and you think you may be a flake. A true flake would never think to ask these questions so I don't think that's it. My guess is that you're getting uncomfortable and fixing to mature or age out of this behavior.
If I am anywhere near right, your first order of business is to dig up what it is that you want, independent of what your friends think. Then go from there.
Anyone else have ideas?